February 3, 2011

Passion the great motivator?

I have this theory that REALLY successful people know who they are from the moment they are born. We've all had friends that have known since they were young that they would be a lawyer, a social worker, a teacher, an artist.
These are the people that I'm totally jealous of. They go to work everyday living their passions. They never wanted to be (or want to be) anything other than who they are. Every.single.day they produce, cook, design, sew and paint with a drive that seems to outweigh any doubts they have. Making them inspirational successful.

I decided two years ago that I wanted to go back to school to follow a dream I've always had in art. Specifically graphic design. When I was little I used to sit at the desk in my room and design recipe card using colored pencils and white index cards. Weird how that moment is what propelled me as an adult to pursue this dream. I also work full time in a very demanding, belittling, male driven field that I believe zaps every bit of energy from me.

The point...not too long ago someone I admired told me that they didn't see my passion, that my lack of passion is holding me back from being a good designer. I was PISSED. I have no time to have passion. I am working and going to school full-time. Any free moments I have are spent doing homework and just keeping the day to day household running.

Is this lackluster fumbling through life actually getting me any closer to my dream?

All I can figure now is that I am 34 years old and despite the hard work, I still don't know who exactly am or what I want to do. Is it possible that I am filled with so much doubt about the choices that I make...that I'm actually doubting my passions?
*For example if I was MORE passionate wouldn't I want to design that website for a friend? Its a great portfolio builder for me and would get me closer to being a working designer, but instead I sit on the couch watching another re-run of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. What is it that makes some people follow passions without pause and others (me) watch them run by?

Is a passion that leads directly to success somehow tied to confidence/ self doubt? Am I missing passion or am I actually just lazy?

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